Beyond Any Sight Lays the Truth
by Midnight Axis
Summary: The war has ended and when Harry returns home he catches his lover, the Dark Lord, in the embrace of Bellatrix, he flees before he learns the truth and now he's back and he wants his lord. Dark!Harry the Dark Lord and the dark recesses of the heart.
1. Flight of Death

**Title: **Beyond Any Sight - The Truth

**Warning: **This is slash. Don't like. Don't read and don't flame. TR/HP LV/HP Mention of rape and abuse and well as sex.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any characters or places that you might recognize so don't sue me. I assume that you've heard this a million times on this site but it all belongs to corporations and J.K. Rowling and I have no hope to ever own Harry Potter.

**Summary:** The war has ended and when Harry returns home he catches his lover, the Dark Lord, in the embrace of Bellatrix, he flees before he learns the truth and what lays beyond any sight that he judged prematurely. Dark!Harry the Dark Lord and a bit of OCC-ness

**Rating: M**

**AN:** This first chapter can be read as a short fic. Some people seemed to like it that way. I personally would continue to read. :) But if you want tragic and heartbreaking just read the first two chapters and fav it :). Not to say that the rest of the story is all mushy or anything and not less angst ridden than this first two chapters, it's just easier to feel heartbroken with a sad ending instead of a cliff hanger. Happy Reading!

Chapter 1

He betrayed me. I thought I could trust him. I thought he cared about me. I thought that he loved me. I loved him. I was known around the world as the one that turned him human. I had gotten under his skin and into his heart where no one else had ever gone. Now I can't even stand to hear about him on the news. First he cheated on me and then he killed by best friend's father. No one would do that if they loved them, especially when they knew how important family was to them and how much love and happiness meant to them. I hate him.

It all started when I was coming home from a shopping trip with Draco, they always last a long time. Draco and I had been friends ever since I joined the Dark side in the war. I still don't regret that decision, even though it has cost me friends and given me pain. It has done the world loads of good, whether the Light side wants to recognize that or not.

I walked in the door to our bedrooms content, if not a little annoyed at being kept out so long, but when you're friends with Draco, shopping becomes a priority. As soon as I walked in the house I knew he was in the bedrooms, so I called out in Parseltongue because I knew how much he cherished our shared language, and I had been missing him since he had been away on a business trip the night before since we had just won the war.

"_Tom! I'm home!" _I yelled out, well as much as you can yell in Parseltongue. I received no answer so I went into the main room where our massive bed was and there I saw it. The Dark Lord laying on the bed half naked, making out with Bellatrix Lestrange. I was in complete shock. I just stood there. I hadn't imagined in a long while that he would ever do something…anything like cheating on me. I thought that insecurity was over a long time ago.

As my heart lay on the floor broken, Tom looked up. "Do you mind?" was all that came out of him. No surprised caught look, well really he's the Dark Lord, I'm quite positive he knew I was home, and no horrified stare. Not even a look that betrayed anything but annoyance and disinterest. Could he really cast me aside that easily? Could he just glare at me after everything and pretend that I meant nothing to him? Only someone completely heartless could do that. I thought that the Dark Lord had regained his heart when we started our relationship, odd though it was.

I couldn't say anything. I had to get out of there. I had to run. I couldn't stand to look at his face any longer, looking at me like a bug that he just wanted to squash under his shoe and fine shoes that they were, but I was the only one who knew that he hated wearing them and when we were alone, he would always take them off…

I don't want to remember anymore of that moment. It hurts too much. The next day just added onto the pain. Tom had been contacting me about twelve hours after the incident when I walked in on him and Bellatrix, but I after painfully listening to the first one, I couldn't stop myself, I ignored all the rest and holed up in Malfoy Manor inside the wards that I changed to prevent the Dark Lord from entering. I was actually surprised to learn that I could. I guess being as powerful as the new Lord of Britain had its advantages.

The next day the Lucius came back from the Ministry with a visitor. He said that someone from the Ministry had come to see me. I had assumed that since I _was_ known as the partner to the Dark Lord, and I was so much more approachable than my red eyed ex-counterpart, they were here to talk political standings. I had become much more brilliant at it in the two years I had been with the Dark Lord. I had waved my wand, dressing in more expensive robes that I kept in my room at Malfoy Manor and swept down the elegant stairway and stepped into the parlor where the house elf had reported seating Lucius and the guest.

Voldemort turned from his position by the window and looked at me. I froze. I hadn't been paying attention to the auras from the room, too caught up in my pain, I should have known. I closed my eyes guarding against the pain, but Tom spoke before I could say anything.

"Harry-"

"No!" I got there first. "You don't get to say that name! You are nothing but the lowest scum. You just used me to get what you wanted and now you're throwing me away but still making sure that my allegiance won't slip. Well guess what? I never believed in you anyway! I was just playing you to get what I wanted!" I didn't know what I was saying anymore, I just knew that I had to get it all out.

"It's no wonder nobody ever loved you except for insane people. You are nothing but a murderer. I'm not even surprised that nobody loved you as a child! Who could love such a monster? You deserved everything that happened to you! You're a pathetic old man that everybody loathes. They only care about you because you have power, just like I do, and now the war is won you're nothing to me. How could you ever think that anybody could ever care for you? I should've destroyed the parts of your soul when I had the chance and believe me I will now if I ever have the opportunity!"

Throughout my speech Tom's eyes had grown pained then cold and then finally blank as he waited for me to finish speaking, and I _did_ get my last words in. "I hate you, you pathetic excuse for a man." When I was finished, he finally spoke, and he did so with a controlled emotionless voice. I couldn't even really sense his aura. It was like he had hidden himself away from the world.

"I guess my coming here to explain to you was futile, seeing you already know what happened."

"I suppose so," I replied coldly. But the next moment surprised me. I don't know what the Dark Lord was feeling, as his aura was no longer there and our mind link seemed to have been closed, but I could tell that he wasn't expecting what happened next. Lucius laughed. He just laughed, in the Dark Lord's presence too and it seemed that he was even laughing _at_ Voldemort. Then he looked right at Voldemort.

"It was me. I did it. How does it feel?" and as Voldemort looked into Lucius's eyes, I could tell he was doing Legilimancy. Suddenly Voldemort whipped out his wand and spoke the words clearly. I, being in too much of a shock to do anything just stood there. I regret it now.

"_Avada Kedavra."_

All too late I shouted, "_NO!_", but it was a lost cause. The body of Lucius Malfoy rose and then slumped against the wall. I started firing hexes at Voldemort not caring about anything else but hurting him and making him suffer. The Dark Lord threw up a powerful shield.

"You don't understand. Stop before you make a big mistake."

"The only mistake I ever made was thinking that you were human and that you actually had a heart. I know now that you are a soulless demon and I would even use you to mop the floors with. You should have _died_ at that orphanage where you belong!" At that moment I knew I had gone too far, but I couldn't take the words back and I didn't want to, but I _did_ falter for a moment and that gave him enough time to dissaparate to wherever he felt like going at that moment. I screamed in rage.

….

It had been a year since that day and it still hurts. Right after that incident I located Draco and after much mourning we provided an elegant and Malfoy-worthy funeral for the late Lucius. We buried him next to his dead wife Narcissa. A few days after that Draco decided to marry a beautiful Bulgarian witch to help him carry on the Malfoy line. I stayed for their wedding but then left soon after to travel abroad. To the public my excuses were just that I had personal business to take care of and the Dark Lord would be taking over completely for a few months.

I wandered the world, dealing with the pain that was heavy in my heart. I had come into an understanding with myself. The news I heard from wizarding Britain was better than I thought it would be. To everyone's surprise the new laws that were being put into effect was what the Dark had promised, just not the preconceptions. People were learning to be more tolerant. What nagged at me though, was that Voldemort was hardly ever seen in public, and when he was many people reported how horrible he looked under his façade. People had begun speculating if running the Empire was too much for him. Of course Lord Voldemort had put a stop to it immediately only saying that it was his personal life that was giving him a hard time and then made some jokes about random subjects that had people at his feet with his charisma. There were no more threats to the Dark cause for the time being and everything seemed more peaceful and smoother working than it had been in centuries.

I decided to go back. Britain was my home and I wouldn't let Voldemort push me away, so that evening I returned from my most recent trip to the states. I went to my apartment that I had bought above a snake shop. I had thought it interesting to live there talking with the snakes occasionally. I always went to that apartment when I wanted to be alone. Tom never could get in there. As soon as I had walked in the door I saw a huge pile of stuff in the living room. I walked over and I saw that it was all my belongings from the Dark Lord's house, all of the clothes and little personal belongings that had made it our room. Not the Dark Lord and Harry Potter's room, just our room.

It took me a day before I found out where Draco was living and visited with him. He was doing well and has his firstborn on the way. He seemed content with life and his eyes brightened with happiness and disbelief when he had seen me, but there was also a small bit of disapproval. When I inquired, all he said was to look through the stuff that the Dark Lord had returned to me. So reluctantly, the next day I decided to go through the stuff and see if I wanted to keep any of it.

The first thing I found brought back so many memories. It was my favorite scarf. I remember wearing it the first day we went out on an actual date after he had bought it for me when I saw it through a window. I remember how he grabbed it and brought me into him for a kiss. I remember having slept with it some nights when he was away on business with other countries that I didn't care about or balls that were to insignificant for me but necessary to the cause. I remember giving it to him one time to wear when he looked cold.

Then I found the first book about the Dark Arts I had ever read, my collection of newspaper clippings, my photo albums of my parents, my snake was even sleeping in a corner of the box. When she opened her eyes she just looked at me and closed them again, not bothering with me or my coaxing. I eventually gave up. How could I have forgotten the enchanted snake Tom had gotten me at the wizarding carnival?

The memories went on and on with the objects until I found the diary. The diary that Tom and I had used to write to each other about our feelings, when we couldn't say them. When we had those moments that were so hard to talk about we just wrote back and forth with the magical diaries instead. Talking a deep breath, I opened to the last page with writing on it. It was dated a day ago.

_My love,_

_Today I found out that you have returned. I guess that means a reasonable chance that you will find this in the belongings that I had sent back to you a month ago when I could part with them. That was when I finally accepted that you were never coming back, that you had never loved me in the first place. I loathe making myself vulnerable. I haven't since you. You destroyed me. I'm no longer Tom, so if you ever want an alliance again you will have to talk to either the Dark Lord or , the Minister of Magic. I will not flatter myself and think that you will not either burn this when you set eyes on it or even start reading this. I thought I was safe pouring my heart out to this diary, but I guess it's all written there for you to see and a selfish part of me wants you to read it and realize what really happened. But then would you be happy? I don't think so. Then you would see me as weak. But I can't erase the past so I won't. At least here will be the last part left of the Tom I was. The only place I can be Tom. I have forgotten I was actually writing an entry to the real you. Forgive me I will stop rambling. Just know that this is the only place where nothing can be written untruthfully as the enchantment on the book states. But then again you already knew that perfectly just like you knew there was a truth spell on the room that day. You felt it. Just know that I have given up so let it burn. Let the words that curse my soul burn._

_Yours,_

_Tom_

I stared at the page. I felt sick. I couldn't do this. This just messed with my head further. I didn't understand and I don't know what he wants.

….

Hey new story. Hope you like. I haven't abandoned Crackling Green. I have a new chapter to post soon and I'll definitely be working on that more over the summer. I'll update this story probably once every week since I already have most of it already written. Thanks for reading!


	2. Letters to Live

Thanks guys for the reviews. Hopefully this chapter will answer most of your questions. :)

Today is a couple of days after I first read the last page of the diary, and since then I haven't opened a page, but today I feel different. I feel I want to understand what he was thinking. I skipped back to the date that was the day when he cheated on me with Bellatrix.

_I can't believe this is happening. After everything I strived for and everything I had ever wanted had come true, this happens. I know you won't read this for a while, if ever, but I need to write. I need to vent to someone, to something or someone I trust and you are not here. No, I won't go to Snape. I already tried but I can't deal with his nature today. I figure I should right down what happened for this diary doesn't lie._

_It all started at the Death Eater meeting and I had stepped out to say good-bye to you. You looked amazing... reminiscing will get me nowhere…. After you left and I was walking back to the meeting, Bellatrix stepped in front of me and blew a bunch of dust in my face. I looked up ready to hex her, coughing, but then when I looked at her I thought that she was the most beautiful person in the world. I knew something was off but I couldn't tell what and I found that I didn't care what. I barely remember anything except you coming in to some room some place and looking like I did something wrong and I remember feeling annoyance that I couldn't figure out what that was. It wore off after twelve hours and only then did I know the extent of the damage caused. I kept trying to contact you I knew you wouldn't listen to me but I still try to this moment. It was some sort of product from your friends, the twin's joke shop. Called Love Dust I think it is. Bellatrix couldn't exactly waltz down the street. I assume there is an accomplice. I have my suspicions._

_Don't worry Bellatrix is dead, but she couldn't have gotten it alone and I will find out. I love you and know that you don't think I do right now, but you knew before even if I couldn't say it as much as you did. You know that story with my childhood, though it disgusts me that my past is an excuse for everything wrong in the future. I can only hope beyond hope that you will talk to me so that I can get you to understand. I am assuming you are either in your flat or at the Malfoys'. I will go there now. I am so tired. I only hope that you are there…_

_Yours Forever,_

_Tom_

I can't breathe. He was affected by Love Dust. That product had quickly become illegal after its creation and for good reason. It looked like ordinary dust and it was impossible to cure until it was worn off. If this was true, and it had to be, the diaries never lie, then Tom was lucky that he was only affected for twelve hours. I couldn't stop. I had to read on. The date was the day after the Malfoy encounter.

_Harry…_

_I guess that's how you truly felt. I cast a truth spell on the room so you would believe me when I told you the truth about the day before. I feel like I can barely write this down. I just want to crawl up and die. That's not what Dark Lords do however, and I have a empire to run. Just a couple days ago I had everything I had ever wanted, love included. I guess that was a lie. Everything that you ever said you felt for me was a lie. You only loved the power, you said. You said you hated me and that I deserved my childhood. You said I deserved to die. Can you imagine how that feels? To be mistreated your entire life and when you have finally found love realize that you were just being played. You realize that you really are worthless for anything less than the cause that you were supposedly created for. I pity myself and I should not. I should have known. I was wary from the start but I never dreamed that you would turn out to hate me more. After everything I gave you of me, you just spat it in my face. I supposed that was nature's way of making me pay for my sins in life. To make me wish to die…_

The words trailed off here and the last word was splotched, almost like there was someone crying while writing those words. My heart is breaking even more than before. Did I really misjudge everything so badly? That still doesn't account for Lucius's death, though the picture was getting ever clearer for me. I was nearly hyperventilating now. I can't read anymore.

….

The days past and I knew that the Dark Lord knew I was in town. I started going out in public and the newspapers were quite active in attempting to get news and gossip from me. They were especially curious about the Dark Lord and my relationship. I visited friends that still meant a lot to me and shared stories of my adventures. They were all curious to hear about what happened between the Dark Lord and me, but I wasn't ready. After a year, would I ever be ready? I tried to visit Draco, but conversation was almost nonexistent. I felt cold waves of disapproval emanating from Draco and soon I had to leave. I had to wait to pass judgment until I read more of the diary to either confirm or deny my suspicion of the accomplice. I didn't even think of going to see the Dark Lord. I needed to know these feelings that he wrote in the diary, to understand _him_ better. I knew that I probably didn't know him at all anymore. That saddened me more than anything else. To know that I had lost that safe zone in my life.

How much blame did I have in this situation? The only way to find out would be to read the diary. So I did. The date was a day after the other one, and as I flipped through the pages that had multiplied I figured he had written every day.

_Harry,_

_I wonder what you are thinking. I wonder what you are doing, so happy to be away from me. I suppose you might suspect people now for the accomplice. Yesterday I went to Malfoy manor to see you. When you walked in you looked beautiful, so beautiful, but worn, and oh so tired, it broke my heart. I tried talking to you but then you started telling truths, even about the past. You really think that I should have been killed as a child. You think me a monster. I had always thought of you as the one person where I didn't have to be anyone but me. I was wrong which seems to happen a lot around you. I now know how you feel. I hate myself for still loving you, for still wanting you, but this is all my fault… Now this is off track and once again I drown myself in pity. You don't want to hear this. _

_After you were finished yelling at me Lucius laughed, and I found it curious that he would even dare. How senile was he going? But then he said "It was me" and I had this feeling of dread. When I looked into his eyes, I saw all the memories of his plotting with Bellatrix and his execution of his part of the plan. He must have a wish to die or at least be known for his revenge before his impending death anyways. I should stop writing; I have so much to do since you're gone. I haven't gotten any sleep yet, I should do that, but I need to write to you more._

_Yours,_

_Tom_

Suspicions confirmed. I kept reading. I needed to know.

_Harry,_

_Today I hear of the little Malfoy getting married, and I know you will be at the wedding. Do I dare go and try to talk to you? No, this is wrong. If anyone else had played Lord Voldemort, they wouldn't be breathing. You made your feelings clear. That would only make me look pathetic. I cannot look pathetic or in the news at a critical time such as this, but it is hard these days and I assume that I already sound pathetic. The public either takes to the new Ministry or doesn't and it's looking quite good._

_Yours,_

_Tom_

There was more about Ministry matters almost as if he were running from his problems. That hurt too, knowing that this was the place where feelings were bared, and while he wasn't writing about feelings, he still needed this link to me. I read on several days until the day that I announced I was leaving.

_Harry,_

_You are actually leaving; I cannot, no, I will not deal with that. I can't think about you anymore except for in here. You are the one person that after all these years actually made me want to hide away from the world instead of becoming master of it. It's hard to maintain a façade in public, so I don't go out much and I'm not planning to. Now I don't know if I will ever see you again. I keep hoping that you will come to me and talk to me. Today I have spent the entire day with the scarf. I can't take it off. It still smells like you and I can't let you go. Don't make me give up the scarf too. Look at me writing like a little kid. How I loathe how you making me into an insecure little child. How I loathe you for bringing the Dark Lord to his knees and laughing. I can't do this._

_Tom_

It went on like that and I kept reading, late into the night. I learned what life had been like and I realized why Draco had that disapproval. Apparently, he had gone to the Dark Lord to chew him out, very foolish. It wasn't like Draco ever cared for his father so that had been a bonus point for the Dark Lord. Tom wrote about their conversations how Draco slowly started to become his most trusted and the only one allowed past the wards into his rooms. The rest of the followers just had to send notes with owls or elves if he was in there. This made jealousy rise within me. That was Tom's and my space, but I suppose I don't really deserve that.

The next day after getting little sleep I went to Draco's. I hadn't finished the diary yet and I kept it on me at all times now. I sat down with Draco and we talked. He basically told the story that the diaries did, and Tom being a very perceptive person, hadn't missed much. Draco actually seemed kind of disgusted with me. That hurt because I knew I deserved it. He just knew aspects of what I had said, from the drunken ramblings of Tom. I didn't know how to fix this, and Draco just thought that I should leave him alone as he had finally started letting go of me. I didn't want that, and I was selfish, too selfish to let him let go of me.

I had to try didn't I? I thought I knew the situation now. I think I realized how much blame was on my shoulders and there was a good deal of it for not believing in the person that needed my belief the most. I decided to visit Tom.

3rd Person Point of View

Harry walked up the steps of the new Riddle Manor, the place he once had called home. He still called it home, whether he was welcome or not. As soon as Harry stepped in the doors, he felt his presence and Harry knew Tom felt his. Suddenly the building began to shake, but he had expected something like that and continued on. Harry reached the office doors. Apparently he was still keyed into the wards as he didn't seem to be cursed or forced to apparate. Harry slowly entered the office. It was much different than he remembered. He remembered elegant curtains of the purist green, the great rugs and a perfectly carved black marble desk. Now all that remained were tattered remnants. They had had sex in here more than once and it had been their space to rule the world, together. Those dreams were in tatters so it made sense that the room would reflect that.

Harry walked on feeling for Tom's aura but he couldn't locate it. He walked from room to room rememorizing the elegant tapestries and arcing doorways. He loved the beautiful rooms, each with a different theme and loved the memories pouring out from them. The laughter and the love from the memories washing over him, leaving him in bliss and made him float down the hallways with a smile.

Tom sat in his room after escaping from his office when he felt Harry enter the wards. Now he was sitting on his bed frozen in shock, clutching the diary in his hands. Harry must have read it. Harry must have realized what happened. But didn't he still believe everything that he said that horrific day? Didn't Harry believe that he should have died as a child and was a monster that never should have been born? He said that and he said that under a truth spell. Tom felt Harry drawing closer to his rooms and closer to him.

Tom was the Dark Lord of Britain. He wasn't supposed to be scared of a young man that he hadn't seen for a year, but whatever he was supposed to do or not, he was shaking and Tom was _scared_. Tom hated weakness and Harry had just brought it out from him again. Harry must have read the diary. Why did he write all that? His life would be so much simpler without all these feelings… He couldn't do this. He couldn't see Harry again and hear what he had to say again. That would just break him. Already, he could feel the memories start to rise again.

"_It's no wonder nobody ever loved you!"_

Harry felt a strong emotion coming from Tom. Fear. Why would Tom be scared? If anything wouldn't he be arrogant? Arrogant that Harry was coming back to eat his words. Scared was not one of Tom's common emotions. Well Harry would just have to fix that. Harry knew that he would have to apologize profusely for a while, but Harry knew that the submission was what Tom needed to fix his wounded pride. After all, this whole situation wasn't either of their faults. It was Bellatrix's and Lucius's and the days he had had to process the situation only reaffirmed the fact that Harry loved Tom and knew that Tom loved him and Tom had said that he loved Harry many times before the Love Dust incident. From what Harry could tell from the diaries, no matter how confused Tom's feelings seemed, they still contained love. Now all Harry wanted to do was to see Tom and be in his arms again.

Tom was feeling differently. All Tom wanted to do was to run to hide from Harry and to hide from that pain. The overwhelming pain that came with love and the pain that came from the mistrust and loathing that Harry had heaped upon him a year ago. He had to _get_ away. Suddenly he appeared in a dark space surrounded by soft things that flowed around his shoulders. It felt like he was sitting in a corner. He pushed his hand out and encountered a hard wood-like texture. He pushed and a door creaked open. He was in the closet. It had been a long time since he did accidental apparition. He must really be emotional. He hated being emotional, but he decided he was sick of standing up for everything right now and right now he just wanted to be in the closest. And so the Dark Lord Voldemort, ruler of wizarding Britain settled down to sit in his closet as long as he had to.

Harry felt a surge of power like apparition from Tom but he still felt Tom in the house and in his rooms. How odd. He had made his last stop through the room that he had wanted to rememorize and remember the most. The dining room where Tom and their friends had come together for their cause and to come together as a team to conquer the world. Now, Harry was almost running to Tom. As soon as he reached the rooms he burst in but Tom wasn't there. "Tom?" he called out tentatively, afraid for the answer. Harry started searching the rooms but no Tom. 'Hmm… May as well search everywhere…' he thought as he approached the big closet but a big burst of energy flew from the closet. Harry stumbled back, but Harry was still powerful enough to not be as affected as he should have been if he had normal power levels.

"Tom? Are you in there? Talk to me…" Silence. Tom didn't want to come out but then again, he hadn't wanted to do a lot of things in his life and this would just make him a coward. He gathered his scattered emotions: happiness and regret, hope and love, pain and sadness, and most of all the need to escape, to flee from the emotions. That certain yearning nearly overwhelmed him, but he stood, graceful as ever, and pushed open the door.

Harry sighed in relief as Tom stepped out of the closet and slowly smiled. "Hey Tom." Tom stared at him for a moment as if in disbelief. "You're looking as good as ever of course. Can we talk?" Tom shook his head slowly, but Harry spoke again, "You really shouldn't hide in closets. It's bad for your reputation." By the look on Tom's face that was the _wrong_ thing to say.

"You've come here to lecture me about my reputation?" Tom said in an almost deathly voice.

"Oh come on, you know that was a joke. We need to talk."

"You left for a year. You made it pretty obvious that you didn't want to talk then or any time after."

"I didn't understand before. I didn't know why you did what you did I thought that you had betrayed me. You don't even realize the look that you gave me. It felt like I was the lowest speck of dirt on your shoe that you couldn't be bothered with. You treated me like that without any explanation."

Tom exploded, "WITHOUT EXPLANATION!" He composed his voice and spoke again, "You came into a room and told me exactly what you thought of me. The room was under a truth spell. You read that right? You felt and saw it even before you stepped I the room and still…" his voice cracked several times while he was speaking. "You think I should have died. You think that I'm a monster and you think that I deserve to be unloved. You never loved me!" Harry saw Tom's eyes start to glisten strangely and Harry's heart lurched.

"That was said in the heat of the moment when I believed that you betrayed me and our love. At that point I hated you for what you did to our _marriage_!"

"You think that that matters? You think that you can come back here and just say 'we need to talk' like that will make anything alright, like you didn't say all of those things to me and leave for a year and not even let me say more than one word. You didn't trust me! You never trusted me and you never _loved_ me! I was a _game_ to you!"

"You had all the opportunity to talk to me after you killed Lucius and before I left, so don't give me that excuse!" This wasn't going how he wanted it to at all. Merlin, Tom was amazing when he was angry, looking like death avenging.

There were actually real water droplets forming at the edges of Tom's eyes now, and Harry had tears streaming down his own face. No one would ever believe this moment had ever happened. This moment had to be historical. The Dark Lord Voldemort crying… This was the first time since he had been a little child that he had shows his sadness in liquid form to someone, in any form really… except for Harry. "You. Had. Just. Told me that you hated me and everything we had together. You told me that I had been played. Do you really think that I was in any situation to go to you and explain or _beg_ for your forgiveness? Or even allow you to get anywhere near me? I was heartbroken. You knew what happened to me in my childhood! I couldn't see anyone for days because of what you did to me. I…I can't do this. Just move on. I know you already have anyway if I ever meant anything to you in the first place. Don't look for me again," and with a crack, Tom was gone and Harry sank to the floor absorbing in what had just happened, staring at the wall in shock. Left alone in the beautiful manor, the tears fell faster.

Thanks for reading!


	3. Into the Lair

Chapter 3

_Moments we ask ourselves, when is it right to forgive betrayal and how to judge the length of the betrayal for suitable time given for redemption? How is one betrayal worse than the other when it is the effect? Resistance to a final peace because a lover scorned doesn't forgive so easily, makes for a lonely life. But how does one forgive when all one wants to do is hate. Hate that never exists._

_-Tom_

Harry read the diary entry when it had popped up in his. It seemed so formal and thrown together as if the Lord's thoughts were scrambled. Harry was so surprised that he had actually written something that represented Harry's situation as well as Tom's. Harry would have thought that Tom would be selfish with his views. This thought just made Harry feel worse. How much did he really know Tom anymore? Was all this heartbreak really worth it? _That_ made Harry feel even worse when it crossed his mind but made Harry concur that without a doubt, Tom was worth every second of misery.

Harry didn't know if he was up to seeing Tom again. He wasn't really sure what he could say to him. What would make Tom understand that only when he had thought that he had been betrayed in the deepest level, had he spouted off words of vindictiveness. Tom was too proud and too hurt to trust Harry and Harry didn't know if he would want to talk to himself either after what had happened. He knew he had been arrogant the other day, but he had truly believed that Tom would understand. Harry had foolishly forgotten about Tom's past. Now he realized that Tom had major issues that they still hadn't worked out when they were together and in Harry's absence they had only gotten worse.

Life just loved to torture the "Golden Boy".

….

The next day he decided to learn more about the changes and the wizarding world before he made his comeback. People would probably want him to regain his old position so they could have a more approachable person to go to about the higher workings of the wizarding world. But then again, how many people still held a grudge against his betrayal of the light. The changes were good changes but Harry felt like there were still many people that would kill all of them if they got a chance, but who knows? Harry had been gone for a year after all.

Harry had a great amount of power. His animagus was a dragon, which was completely unheard of, but then Tom was a Basilisk. He had power rivaling the Dark Lord and knew many incantations due to all his training when he was to defeat Voldemort and from when he joined the Dark Lord. Parseltongue was his specialty. Harry hoped that the population didn't already know all his secrets, but rather the ones that made him more respected, although, he couldn't ever say the press had worked for him in the past so tough luck there. Tom had always had a _special_ way with the media. Tom…

When Harry arrived at the Ministry of Magic, he decided to look up Ron and Hermione and see if they had jobs here or they were killed in the final battle. Even though they had tried to kill him the last time that they had seen him, maybe the recent restructuring of the ministry, something that they had always dreamed about, would make them come around to Harry's side so they could realize the reasons why he changed sides against Dumbledore. There had certainly been enough interviews and speeches made about the past Light and past Dark side and how when Harry and the Dark Lord had pretty much married, they created a beneficial grey.

He stepped up to the visitor's desk. The man behind the counter said in a bored tone barely looking up, "Welcome to the Ministry of magic may I please have your wand. Harry smirked and gave over the phoenix wand instead of the Elder wand which he had been accustomed to using lately. His phoenix feather wand still meant something to Harry though seeing as it had the connection with Tom… he mentally berated himself over bringing the love of his life to the forefront of Harry's mind once again.

The man's eyes behind the desk widened and he gave a very undignified shriek of _'Harry Potter!'_. With that almost everyone in the entire Ministry turned around to look at the visitor's desk. Complete and blessed silence occurred for a few seconds and Harry had an odd sense of gratefulness towards the wayward clerk behind the desk but then pandemonium ensued. _Damn him_. Harry said in a droll tone towards the very flustered and starry eyed man that currently held his wand, "My _wand?"_

"Oh, oh yes of course. All the apologies. Greatly sorry, sir!" the man stuttered bowing hurriedly all the while, handing Harry Potter back his wand.

"If you would be so kind as to direct me to Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley's whereabouts?" Harry intoned silkily.

"Of… of course, my Lord. Weasley is in the Department of Dancing Buffoons." Harry just stared. _What had Tom been__** doing**__ to the Ministry?_ As if sensing that he needed to explain further the clerk continued, "A month ago charms were invented by the Weasley Twins. A person would dance like a gorilla until told by the person who created the curse to stop or the one that spread the curse initially. The Twins tested it own on their brother, and he, not knowing it was contagious, brought it to the Ministry. As a result there have been so many casualties that a Department had to be added. Our Lord was not pleased. As punishment they have to stay in a small closet and every time someone gets the charm they floo into their closet immediately and have them say, "Stop". Ron Weasley spread it around so he can say the word too and therefore they are all in the Department of Dancing Buffoons. Our Lord named it himself…." The man trailed off.

The entire time the idiotic man had been talking, Harry had had a look of utter disbelief on his face. _What_ had been going on? How many other departments filled with nincompoops were there? Though this Department seemed rather necessary if what the clerk said had been true. Harry gave a sigh. At least the Dark Lord wasn't torturing as much anymore if he hadn't killed the Twins the moment they dared defy him.

Harry turned away from the bustling crowd of admirers and reporters and strode purposefully towards the lift, wizards parting from his path in waves all the while shouting off questions. The people in the lift just stared at him as he got in next to them and set his destination. He only knew one person in the lift and that was Arthur Weasley.

"Hello Mr. Weasley," Harry said respectively.

"Harry…" Mr. Weasley said hesitantly, as if he didn't know how to act around the Dark Lord's ex-lover even if they had been a part of the same 'family' at one time.

"How has you and your family been doing?"

"Um… well the twins are doing as well as always even though they are having trouble in the love department, Ron and Hermione married, we haven't seen Bill and Charlie since you have, and Ginny had been searching for what she wanted to do in life but she and Molly didn't really like Our Lord's plans…." Arthur looked puzzled.

Harry laughed, "I know that you normally would never say any of those things but before I came here I set a spell that anyone who talks to me has to tell the truth. Paranoid of me, I know, but I've learned from the Dark Lord. The most paranoid of all…" Harry cheerfully proclaimed in a hushed tone, though it did sound a bit strained.

"Oh well… I have nothing against you or what the Dark Lord has done. Most of it actually needed to be done so… come over when you can. I need to talk to someone in the Ministry that isn't joyfully proclaiming the Dark Lord's propaganda. I mean you broke up with him after all. You're pretty disenchanted…" Arthur seemed to stutter off.

This brought back some painful memories. Yes, he did break up with Tom, and yes he did say a lot of things. How could he make up for that? No matter what happened the other day, Harry still believed that the main thing that hurt the Dark Lord was his ego. Sure the Dark Lord had actually demonstrated more of his soul than he had ever had before, but that didn't mean that what the Dark Lord really wanted was Harry begging at his feet.

Harry smiled at the red head standing next to him. The lift stopped as Harry spoke, "Sure, I'll stop by in a couple days." He nodded to Arthur as he stepped out. "I'll see you. It was nice talking to you." He gave a tight smile and walked towards the door labeled _The Department of Dancing Buffoons_ written in scroll like writing. He chuckled. The Weasley's must have grown their business pretty well if the twins didn't need to be at one of their shops; the one in Hogsmead and the one in Diagon Alley, but then again you couldn't deny Voldemort. Harry still had a hard time seeing the man tolerating all the chaos the Twins caused. Harry was glad that the Dark Lord hadn't accused the Twins for the destruction of their relationship… nope that blame was all for Harry.

He slowly stepped up to the door breathing. He _was_ ready for this. He needed friends while he tried to woo back the most powerful man in the world besides himself.

He took notice of the room. It really was small. Harry could see why this was punishment for the rather large men. It was filled with browns and only lit by a glowing orange fire right across from a wooden desk with a empty tea cup on it.

"Harry!" the Twins chorused. Ron just stared.

"We heard you were back in town… Why didn't you write us?"

Harry blinked, "Maybe because I was pretty much married to the Dark Lord!" Harry exclaimed.

"What do you mean _was_, mate? And we didn't judge you after all the manipulations you went through with the Light," the Twins stated plainly.

Harry deemed not to answer the first part of the Twin's response. "I would have been glad to keep you both as friends." Ron had said nothing throughout Harry and the Twin's interaction but spoke up.

"Why aren't you back with the Dark Lord or was he hiding you away from everyone all this time?"

Harry sighed. He supposed he couldn't get out of this explanation if he wanted someone on his side to understand while he tried to get the love of his life back.

"A year or so ago a few days after the war ended, I went on a shopping trip with Drake—" Harry was cut off by Ron.

"Drake? You mean bloody Malfoy? I knew you were talking to him but why Drake?..." Ron mumbled off.

"Don't interrupt him little brother. We want to hear this story!"

"Yeah, do be quiet, young prat!"

"Fine, sorry Harry, "Ron grumbled.

"Anyways… I…" This part was hard for Harry to talk about. It was still raw even after a year. "When I went back to the rooms that we were living in, on our bed, Tom was making out with Bellatrix and when he noticed me, he looked like I was insignificant." At this, the Twins and Ron gasped in horror.

"That bastard!"

"The bloody git!"

"We should've killed him when he was injured that one time and at our disposal."

"You should've come to us instead of running of mate, we would've made sure…" Ron trailed off then as if he didn't exactly know what he would have done.

"Um no that's ok guys… actually in a distant way, it's your fault the whole mess started," Harry stated to the Twins who gave affronted looks. "It wasn't him. Someone set Bellatrix up with Love Dust." The Twins had identical looks of dawning horror on their freckled faces.

"I had no clue then and until a few days ago I was still clueless so, of course I left right away. I didn't want to be around that anymore than necessary. I stayed at the Malfoy's and the next day when the Love Dust had worn off, he came for me… God I was so stupid!" Harry banged his fist on the desk making the red headed people standing behind it, jump. "I could feel the truth spell around the room. And, yes, before you ask, I am that powerful. It's one of the reasons that the Dark Lord and I were meant to be."

The Weasleys were looking confused at the moment as if they weren't sure whether to hate Tom or not. "Before he could even speak I started into him, God I said such horrible things…" Harry stared off into the fire unseeingly. "I can't believe the things I said, even today," he said in a lost voice. "I said that he deserved what happened in that horrific orphanage!" Harry spat. "I said he should've died!" Harry picked up the empty tea cup on the table and threw it into the fire with such a loud crash that Ron let out a yelp.

Harry let out a sound that was almost a sob. "Then… then Lucius laughed. He laughed. Why would someone do that? Why would someone do that in front of the most powerful Dark Lord this world has ever seen? That was what I thought. I thought that he had had one Crucio too many. Another thing to blame on Tom…" he was rambling now. "Tom, he looked at Lucius and in his eyes. I didn't know it then but I should have. He used Legilimency he saw… he saw…" Harry hadn't realized that he had needed to talk about this so badly and now he was sagging against the person holding him up as whoever it was, he didn't really care, led him to a chair. Harry was too caught up in the past to pay much attention to his surroundings and no one noticed the figure in the doorway.

Harry shook his head trying to compose himself. "He saw Lucius was the one that had given Bellatrix the Love Dust, but I didn't believe him, I didn't trust him…" Harry broke off here knowing that this was the part that he hadn't understood before. It wasn't about the betrayal or hurtful words, though that was a huge part, the biggest chunk of it was that Harry had never trusted Tom. Harry had never really believed in Tom and their relationship and that had to hurt just as much as your loved one telling you that he was a game to you and that you deserved the horrific things that had happened in that orphanage.

A cold voice spoke from the doorway, "Mr. Potter as nice as it is to see you taking an interest in the government you abandoned, there have been complaints of magical disturbances from this room and it is disrupting the working environment. If you would be so kind as to continue this conversation elsewhere and let the Weasleys get on with their job…" Tom's voice trailed off.

Harry's eyes hadn't even looked up the entire time that Tom was talking, though to be fair Tom was more Voldemort now instead of the man that Harry knew. Did he ever really know Tom? Yes… Harry thought he had and that was precisely why Tom cared so much. It hurt to remember but the Dark Lord really had been crying.

The Twins and Ron just stuttered at coming face to face with the powerful wizard. Tom raised his brow with skepticism. "Do your brains still work or are you completely idiotic?" Tom drawled. The Twins quickly dropped to their knees and Ron clumsily followed. Harry just stood there. He should have realized that Tom wouldn't have changed his expectations on respect.

"And why aren't you on your knees Potter?" Harry stared in incredulity, but then rage took over.

"Yeah right Voldemort go back to your lair." With Harry's words, a sharp pang shot through Tom's heart and it suddenly turned ice cold whereas it had begun to melt the other day. His wand twitched as he almost threw a Crucio at Harry.

"Potter, get out of my Ministry before I throw you out." The Twins and Ron could just feel the tense magical air in the room and were inching back from the imposing figures that towered over them.

"No Tom. We need to talk."

"I have nothing to say. This is over."

"I have so much to say Tom and you will listen." That was probably the wrong thing to say. Tom never liked being told what to do. At all.

Tom's look turned completely cold. "I suggest you get out of my sight right now."

The air crackled and suddenly Tom sent a energy blast towards Harry that didn't consist of any real curse but Harry rose his magic and brought it to cocoon Tom's magic and started swirling it around trapping it with no way out. Tom's anger rose for a couple minutes, while the red heads were scrambling trying to get around the magic, but then slowly calmed.

"Fine. My office." Tom left the room his face completely passive. The Weasleys looked at Harry expectantly.

"Er, sorry you had to go through that…" Harry rubbed the back of his ever-messy hair in agitation. "It was nice talking to you…" Harry awkwardly trailed off.

The redheads just looked stunned, not sure what to say or do, but of course the Twins recovered first. "Harry we're sorry but this seems to be heading to the point that your whole break up was your fault and the Dark Lord was just a stubborn git that laid some trust in the wrong person."

"Wait you mean me?"

"No we meant Bellatrix, mate, but come to think of it you too. Look you have some issues and we might be able to help. If you need anybody, just stop by."

"Ye-yeah," Ron piped in.

Harry gave a sensitive kind of smile and then left into the hubbub that was listening in the hallway, with a forlorn expression on his face.

The remaining members of the redheaded clan looked shell-shocked, as if they weren't sure if they were allowed to breathe or not. As one, scruffy red eyebrows rose.

Thanks for reading and all the great reviews that you guys have sent me! If you have any questions or comments just review or email me.

Next chapter coming soon...


	4. Betrayed by One Avenged by Another

Chapter Four- Betrayed One Avenged the Other

Voldemort swept through the hallways blowing over desks while Harry strode behind sending just as much magic spinning about the hallways and offices that flew by in their rush for privacy but the need for this minute to collect themselves and their emotions before the inevitable pain that they would both feel before the hour was up. The door to the Dark Lord's office loomed ahead, and any spectators would have sworn, that the Dark Lord and Harry Potter almost vanished twenty feet from the imminent door that no one had ever entered. The next sound heard was the slamming of the door and the door stood just as ominous as it was before, the elegant gold plating on the black marble proclaiming what they all knew to be true. _Do Not Dare_.

As the ex lovers entered the elegant office, Tom walked to the fire and stared into the dancing flames that mocked his mood laughingly.

"Why?"

"You know why Tom." was the only reply.

"Do not call me that! You have no right!" he knew he sounded petulant but he didn't care.

"You love me so I have a right."

"Do _not_ lie to Lord Voldemort."

Harry knew he shouldn't say it but he had to, "You aren't Lord Voldemort to me."

"So you admit you lie," said the Dark Lord with finality.

"No, I did not lie. I love you and want to have a relationship with you and a serious one at that… Like last time," was added in an afterthought.

"You want a _relationship_," the word was scorned. "And you want it to be like the last time. The last time when you said I was a monster that deserved rape and torture at the hands of muggles." Tom's face twisted as he said the words."

"No… I didn't mean that towards you. I meant that to the person I thought had just gotten through fucking Bellatrix. I want what it was before that incident." Harry said softly.

"_Wantssss…"_ The Lord was almost in Parseltongue now. "You cannot know what you _want_. If you had _wanted_ me before, you had me…" Harry gasped at this, not thinking that the Dark Lord would admit such a thing, but the tingle of pleasure was gone when Tom slowly faced him, fire glinting in a deranged manner off of his face. "I_ needed_ you. I was _weak_, and it will _not_ happen _again_." Tom's façade almost broke for an instant before it was back again stronger than ever.

"Mr. Potter, was there anything else that you needed to discuss today?"

"Yes in fact," Harry stared at Tom in disbelief. "We need to work our problems out!"

Tom stared in complete disbelief, emotion showing for once behind the stone wall of his eyes.

"Problems," Harry continued. "That if solved, might allow us to have another chance at what we had and at what we deserve."

Tom looked like he truly was lost for words at that. Harry might have laughed had it been a different situation. The Dark Lord of half of Europe speechless when it comes to relationships.

"I cannot…" was all Tom got out before he almost shakily walked over to his desk and leaned on the hardwood surface. He raised a hand and started massaging his temples, slowly breathing all the while. Harry didn't know if Tom was trying to compose himself or think through the situation without killing every sentient being inside the much better decorated Ministry than Harry had last seen it. No yucky orange and blue combos.

He reached out, "Tom…" But the Dark Lord knocked his hand away.

"Alright you want to talk, and I am willing to hear what you have to say." Voldemort said with finality.

…...

"_Hurry up…" A young man whined._

"_Impertinent brats can wait until I have finished with my plans for world domination before bugging me to go to dinner."_

"_Well lucky I am not an impertinent brat then, huh? But seriously lover, you need to eat and then maybe we could get some exercise…" the dark haired man trailed off suggestively. The impressive man in the wing backed chair raised his eyebrows._

"_Well I haven't gotten the right amount of exercise l need anyway… but really love next time just lead with lewd remarks until I give in. I would appreciate it so much more than, 'Let's go eat dinner with the pompous people that love gel potions, and not to forget the greasy potions master that I hate with my soul.' And really, I thought that you and Severus had been getting on so much better lately."_

"_Oh we have, we just don't like to advertise our friendship. Well rather, he doesn't and I like annoying him."_

"_Very Slytherin of you darling." And at Harry's insistent tugging, Tom allowed himself to rise from his chair. "Alright I shall dine with you but you have to give me something in return." A flash of lightning struck around the office only lit by snapping flames._

"_Do you just make things dramatic on purpose or is it just a natural instinct," this was a long standing joke between the two. Tom always seemed to have to have the biggest effect out of the smallest of things. Tom just smirked._

"_I wonder how I could survive without somebody pointing that out to me every single day."_

"_I love you too, Tom," was the only response before they both left the study, arms around each other, each in their own memories._

…...

Harry snapped back to the present with a throat clearing from Tom. The trip down memory lane probably wasn't the best timing. The Dark Lord looked even more pissed off at having to wait. This couldn't turn out well, but it had to. For both of their sakes.

"When we started our relationship, I had so many issues and insecurities. God, I wonder to this day how you ever put up with me, and over time I got over many of them. I truly thought that we were set for the rest of our lives to love each other forever. You say I didn't trust you, but hey, try to see what I saw. I know you did it once when you tried to talk to me in Malfoy Manor. All I saw were my worst dreams coming true and all I could see was that expression of disgust on your face when you looked at me." Tom looked really tempted to start yelling at me right then, and I knew what he was thinking. "Right, I know, you were under Love Dust and I should have trusted you and all that, but would you have? If you had seen me in that position, would you really have just said, 'Alright let's talk about some more', and then when I next saw you, I killed an uncle figure? Somehow I doubt you would have been all smiles and forgiveness." Tom burst with words when Harry paused.

"This doesn't matter! I know what it looked like, but I remember those words that you said truthfully as well. I remember that hate and that look in your eyes when you said what I 'deserved'. Maybe you are right. I have thought about that in that aspect as well. I wasn't strong enough to resist the Love Dust and I wasn't strong enough to have proven what I felt for you. I only _wished_ that you would have told me how you felt about me _before_ I gave you my heart!" Harry tried to interrupt there, but Tom didn't let him. He needed to get this out before he never saw the Golden Boy again. "I know you said something around the lines of just seeing if you could play the greatest wizard of all time." Harry almost snorted here. Tom still had the biggest ego around. Well, for good reason, he supposed. "And since it was a truth spell, I know you felt that at least some time or another." Harry couldn't hear this anymore, he had to explain.

"Yeah, I admit that I started our relationship wondering what it would feel like to play the Dark Lord, but that only crossed my mind for an instant. I truly love you Tom I said those things out of hate for the moment, hate because like I said before, I thought you had been playing _me_ the whole time—"but Tom was stuck a few words back on the present tense of the verb.

"Love?" he scorned. "Love has only ruined lives and ruined mine once again! I should've placed a truth spell, so I wouldn't have to hear anymore lies. I would've done that with anyone else. You have changed me and not for the good. You are ruining everything that I have built in the time that you were gone. I know you came back for your friends and to rub it in my face that I had feelings for you, that you conquered Lord Voldemort..." the Dark Lord's eyes gleamed as he tried to rein his anger in, in a tight controlled voice. "I request the absence of your presence."

"Oh no, you don't get to be all formal with me. I _do _love you. I'd cast the spell right now if it made you believe me. Yes, I came back for my friends that I left behind, but when I learned the truth from the diary, I couldn't let our lives be destroyed over a Malfoy's issues with his leader. I came here for you. I came here to prove that our relationship can still—"but that was enough for Voldemort. He couldn't hear anymore of the lies echoing in his ears mixed with truths that he knew were in there too. The Dark Lord had only begun to realize emotion before Harry left and now the realizations were coming back full force and he couldn't deal with Harry, his emotions and what he was trying to accomplish.

"Out." Was all that was said before a gust of wind swept Harry's feet from under him and he was thrown from the office. Harry didn't land. His magic was swirling so erratically that as he stalked out he ended up walking several feet off of the ground. The dark aura surrounding him was quite frightening and hard to look at. Reporters were already on the scene and this was proving to be the most eventful day that they had in a long time at the ministry and that was saying something. The Ministry under the Dark Lord's rule was organized and strict but quite a random place to work in.

"Mr. Potter! Mr. Potter!" but Harry didn't hear any of that. All he knew at that moment was anger and need to make Voldemort be his again.

…...

Harry didn't go to his flat. He didn't go to the Weasley's like he had been thinking. Molly and Ginny had turned their backs completely on Harry and had to be dealt with accordingly, however Harry had persisted on the fact that they not be killed, rather frightened out of their wits, but the rest of the clan pretty much followed through with their loyalty and Harry used to find it a safe haven from the Dark Lord's temper tantrums when choice Wealseys weren't there like Ron and of course Ginny and Molly, but that was before he left. He hadn't seen Arthur since he got on terms with the twins a few months before the war ended and before Voldemort and he were made public as lovers.

Harry went to the park. It was almost midday and the sun was high, reflecting off the lake in front of him in glistening waves. Harry felt the hot suffocation of the heat surrounding him and the light breeze as it gave him a free breath from the scorching heat that lay on the surface of his skin. Harry closed his eyes and listened. He heard the birds tweeting merrily in their branches, unaware of the suffering in the heart of the young man standing below them. They were safe in their canopies with only the threat of the rare sighting of a predator. He heard the quiet swishing of the current of the small lake and the breeze whistling in his ears as it pushed the ripples of water along, and it was there Harry sat for hours until he was so red that a tomato couldn't outdo him.

Harry knew what he had to do. He had had the same conversation and the same amount of progress both times he tried to be closer to Tom. The problem was that when he wanted to speak to Tom, he rarely got Tom. He got the Dark Lord of most of Europe, Voldemort, lording over him, judging him for his crimes. Harry decided that if that was the only part of Tom that he was going to receive than that was the part that Harry would have to work on. The only way to get on the good side of Lord Voldemort was loyalty and devotion. The Golden Boy hadn't shown that towards Tom.

Harry stood up, knees popping and skin aching. He had a dreadful headache, and he was starting to feel the burn of his hours out in the sun. He checked the time. Five thirty. Sighing once again, Harry took up his wand and dissapparated to his flat. Once he was there, Harry looked in his potions cabinet and found what he was looking for. As Harry tipped back the sunburn and headache curing potions, he decided that he would have to go through with his plan. The first step; getting the Dark Lord to see him again. To do that he had to talk to him truthfully. The only way Harry knew how to do that was in the diary. It was a wonder that Tom hadn't burned it yet in one of his fits, but then again, Tom probably broke through the Dark Lord persona rarely.

Harry stalled. He didn't know what to write and in the end he had taken a scorching shower and eaten dinner and dessert and had gone through a stack of newspapers that had awaited him since his departure, before he finally went over to his bed and to the nightstand. The dark haired man pulled open the drawer slowly as if pulling that drawer open made him go ever closer to what he most feared, fear itself. And Harry _was_ afraid. He was scared down to his bones at the prospect that he had lost everything that meant so much to him over words that he had never meant to or wanted to say to Tom, only to the uncaring Voldemort that had lain on that bed with Bellatrix. But it had been Tom that those words had been spoken to as well as the emotionally scared Voldemort and now Harry was going to fix that.

The diary cracked open. He went to the last page that had words on it and found new ones scrawled across the old paper.

_You came again. I don't know if I even want to believe you. You brought up the same point again and I am inclined to recognize that you did say those words to the one who had betrayed you. I just don't think you realize that it was me that you betrayed, not the person that you thought you were talking to. You don't seem to realize that I was getting through life and getting back to my goals and to the wizarding community like I should have done in the first place, when you came back. I had just realized that Tom wasn't the worthless kid in the orphanage. You came back and you took the word of a diary over me. Over what you should have trusted above all if you really cared about me. I still find myself going back to the words that described how I was a game to be played. It seems you have come back to play the game that you left behind. I only ask that you leave Draco out of this. The young Malfoy has enough on his plate at the moment and he is still repaying his father's mistakes in my services. It seems that you might read this after all, so I will ask you. Lord Potter-Black and heir of Slytherin to leave once again. _

There was no signature. The entry seemed finished so Harry assumed that Tom just didn't know who he was anymore when writing to his ex-lover. Harry was also shocked to realize that he was still the heir of Slytherin. He had thought that the Dark Lord would have "disowned" him. But then again, he was the only other human on the planet that was known of to speak Parseltongue. All the vaults and other inheritance would otherwise go to waste. Ever the practical person, the Dark Lord was.

On the point of Draco, Harry really wanted to speak to the young blond again but he had to admit that the man hadn't been too excited to see him the last time. Maybe when Harry implemented his plan, Draco would allow their friendship to flourish once again. He needed someone to help him through this and if he got Draco on his side as well as the Malfoy that was the Dark Lord's confidant, Harry would have a greater chance in succeeding in getting his lover back. Another thing that might be of a touchy subject would be that the Dark Lord might think that Harry was only here for the money if he truly believed that he was Harry's game.

Harry put his head in his hands and groaned. This was such a mess. He might as well get on with trying to fix it up.

Harry rose from his spot on the old bed and got his quill and ink pot. He dipped the quill and started to write. To write the only thing that would make the Dark Lord listen to him.

_I want to prove myself loyal. I will become your Death Eater. _

Thank you for reading! Sorry if it was a bit short…

Ideas, questions or comments? Just review or email!

Chapter Five coming soon…


	5. Love Truly and Hate Honestly

I'm sorry to all you people who actually like my writing. I know it's been awhile and I promised more consistent updates but I haven't had internet for the past 3 weeks how did our ancestors survive? :p

Thank you all so much for reviewing. When I read them I get those warm fuzzy feelings. Hopefully this chapter will answer some of the questions that you sent me in either emails or reviews. Read on!

Chapter 5- Love Truly and Hate Honestly

Harry sat back against the pillows as he waited for a reply. He was certain about his choice. This was the only feasible option open to him. Leaving was never one now that he knew the truth and to go try and talk to the Dark Lord over and over would get him nowhere but banished from Britain if he pushed hard enough. He knew that he could never be the subservient Death Eater to his master. And even though he would have to try, Harry would always have to put in his two cents and he would not take well to being humiliated and punished in front of inferiors. He was like the Voldemort in that aspect, and his pride and power would be the only thing he would have remaining that would be his once he became one of the Dark Lord's troops, even then it would belong to Voldemort. Harry had never imagined even thinking about this but he loved Tom enough to do so.

Apparently, Voldemort still had his loyal army. They were almost as if they were the dark version of Aurors, except for the fact that they had no such thing as mercy or lenience on those that opposed the Dark Lord. During his time with the Dark Lord he had watched every member of the Order of the Flaming Chickens be defeated and gloried in every moment. Only his godfather he saved. He hadn't even thought about Sirius. He supposed that he should visit, but then again, once the news hit the papers in the morning he was certain that the fiery temper and curiosity of the Marauder wouldn't allow him to stay away. Harry sighed, thinking back to when it was just Voldemort and him on that Tower. Staring out over the battlements to the war and chaos below.

…..

_The gray stone felt cold against his forearms. He sighed, in peace with the world, and looked up at the amazing view of the night sky. The stars twinkling, several comets passing by and the bright moon that was only a crescent as it shined light on him and the people below. A cool breeze lifted his senses to footsteps behind him. He did not have to turn his head from the magical scene above him to know who approached him. Nobody spoke. _

_The Dark Lord wrapped his arms about Harry and everything was suddenly perfect. They had the world at their fingertips and Britain and Hogwarts were well within their grasp now. At the moment they could both hear the screams below them and occasionally they would see a flying light that escaped to the Forbidden Forest and beyond the thick mysterious trees. They had nothing more to do at the school that they both called home. They had conquered what they had been dreaming of. The Ministry had already fallen, and now the last fortress of organized rebels was captured and avenged for their goals._

_Harry spoke first, "It's truly amazing isn't it?" If anyone else had been listening they might have thought he meant the sky or the battle or the way that they had defeated their enemies, but Tom knew what the young man in front of him was thinking, just like he always did._

"_It had to have happened eventually. I could not have destroyed my very soul, literally and figuratively. You have become my most valuable…" he trailed off almost positive that Harry would not appreciate being called a possession._

"_It's alright, I am yours. I just wonder sometimes if I will remain yours. Will you keep me now that you have achieved your life ambitions?" I teased. The Dark Lord pressed a kiss to my head._

"_I am He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. I think I need the Boy-Who-Lived's publicity so I can get the public on my side. If I scorn you then you will just lead another revolt against me, like last time wasn't enough." I smiled fondly at the memory. The Dark Lord had refused to come home one night as he said he was too busy, so I had retrieved the Dark Lord's most favorite and esteemed Death Eaters and planned out an attack plan to infiltrate the office and hold the Dark Lord captive until he agreed to rest and eat before he overworked himself again. Many people had gotten tortured before I got my way, but they were all happy to do it. The loyal Death Eaters really cared for their Lord._

"_I'm glad that you remember all the good times we had," I said with a touch of sarcasm. We both stood staring up at the moon. The simple things really counted when I was with Tom. Suddenly someone burst into the room we whirled around, both annoyed that we hadn't sensed another person climbing the tower._

"_My Lord!" he said bowing to Voldemort. "We have trouble in the entrance hall that we thought you would prefer to handle." The man said still bowing at the Dark Lord's feet. Voldemort looked ready to 'crucio' him for his forwardness and overall running into a private moment._

"_What?" he said in a very icy tone._

"_Ginny Weasley the other younger one and that Mudblood Granger girl… they… they wish to speak to you about where you have kept Harry Potter. They demand to see him." The Dark Lord looked to the heavens. I was not so forgiving of him ruining our moment of victory._

"Crucio_…" I hissed out in Parseltongue. I was annoyed, but at least now I would have the confrontation that I had been waiting for. I grabbed the Dark Lord's arm and left the unfortunate Death Eater still lying on the ground gasping for the breath that had escaped him in his misery._

"_Come my dear, let us attend to the traitors," echoed behind us as we apparated. Inside Hogwarts. I really did hate rules._

…_.._

Harry remembered that day, glaring out at him from his memory. How could he have forgotten all the Dark Lord meant to him. But then again, that meaning was what led him to believe in the worst betrayal. He should have known and he should have trusted, should've, would've, and could've, would get him nowhere, and Harry very dearly wanted to move forward.

The diary still had no entry, but as Harry continued to watch the inkless expanse of old yellow parchment, he got lost in memories again.

…..

_They swept in with a fantastic billowing of robes that would put Snape to shame. As soon as Harry and Voldemort approached the Entrance Hall, they heard the shouts and when they got closer, saw bursts of light reflecting off of the walls. The Dark Lord raised his wand when he saw they chaos in front of them and froze everyone in the room. Harry tugged Voldemort's robes._

"_You haven't taught me that one yet, when we get back to training you need to show me impressive spells like that, it wouldn't be good for the Dark Lord's partner to have to 'Stupefy' everyone individually." The Dark Lord nodded with glittering red eyes. He then started moving things about. He wrapped Ron, Hermione, and Ginny in ropes and put them at his feet a few yards in front of him, and slammed the Death Eaters that had been dueling against the wall which inevitably awoke them from whatever trancelike state that they had been in previously. They bowed hurriedly to their Lord._

"_Explain why they were not tied up awaiting out arrival if they wanted to speak to your Lords so very badly," The Dark Lord hissed._

"_My—My Lord, we—we, that is to say they-," but he was cut off._

"_You try my patience. _Crucio._ Now you," The Dark Lord drawled, lazily firing off a Unforgivable, ever the portrait of supreme arrogance and pointed a long finger to the other Death Eater that was involved in the duel. "Explain."_

"_They broke through the _weak_ spot in our defenses my Lord," the Death Eater sneered towards the still unconscious Wormtail. "We were securing the castle when they tried to capture Mulciber, but we caught up to them right as they got through his defenses." The Dark Lord didn't look pleased at all and Harry knew that Wormtail would be feeling it tonight, or rather this morning._

"_Very well… Let us hear what they felt they must say." Voldemort flicked his wand and the bound prisoners came alive, bewildered for a moment before regaining their senses and began shouting in a jumbled mess that no one really could comprehend. They really shouldn't have done that. An annoyed gleam formed in the red eyes._

"_Crucio," he intoned silkily. After a moment or so of unharmonious screeching, the Dark Lord let up the curse. "You girl, explain why you insist on speaking to Potter," Voldemort spoke to Hermione. She gulped, breathing hard from the torture, and then spoke._

"_You have him cursed don't you. You have him under a spell that made him betray us," her voice was actually quite soft, but not as if she was afraid, more of as if she was apprehensive of the answer. Harry chose to answer the statement that she had spoken to the spectators and to the Dark Lord._

"_Hermione, it's really me. I found out what terrible things that Dumbledore and the Order have done and I couldn't be a part of that. This change will help the world in a much needed manner there is no point in fighting. We all want to have peace. The Dark Lord put no spell on me—" The Dark Lord must have felt romantic at this moment but more likely possessive for he draped his arm around Harry's shoulders. Hermione's eyes widened but before she could say anything, Ginny's screech echoed through the room. _

"_He did put a spell on you, he did! Oh Harry, I'll save you and then we'll be together at last!" she said this in such a dramatic manner that the Death Eaters watching stifled laughs. Voldemort decided to torture her another way and brought Harry's lips up to his. Ginny screeched in dismay and Ron started bellowing at them. Hermione just stared before she hung her head. She always was smart. The Dark Lord grew tired of the hysterical teenagers._

"_Take them away to the dungeons. We will deal with them later." The Dark Lord paused. "Avery, you may torture the red headed girl if you feel the need. A little incentive to enforce good behavior for the others, I think." Voldemort smiled silkily and he and Harry swept into the Great Hall to manage the end of the battle._

…_._

Harry sighed. Those times were what he lived for now. He looked down at the diary again and he found that he was graced with a response.

_No. I feel no need to see your face every day. You will leave me alone Potter or I don't know how long Lord Voldemort's rage will be contained._

Harry almost felt like smirking at the instant where Tom had referred to himself. He had thought that Tom had been over that habit, but he quickly sobered as he considered. Harry supposed this would be the place to lay it all out on the line where the Dark Lord couldn't kick him out.

_Tom, _Harry carefully wrote out.

_I love you, and before you burn this diary listen to me. I will find a way to prove to you that our relationship will work and whether you admit it or not, I know that you need me as much as I need you and that is a damn lot. I know you disprove of being vulgar, forgive me. I –_

Harry was cut off their by writing coming fast and furious in blood red ink.

_You jot down things in a book pointlessly that you have no courage to say to my face. You cannot—_

But this time it was Harry that interrupted the Tom's spiel.

_No it's not mindless or pointless. It means something—_

_No it cannot mean anything. It shouldn't mean anything. Love is for fools._

_You call yourself a fool then Tom. You have already admitted that you loved me. We loved—_

_Do not speak as if you know me. You left me remember._

_Yes I left you and you would've done the same, if you didn't have a country to run, in my position. I was trying to protect myself, just as you are doing now… We need to meet face to face to talk about this, to talk about what we need to._

For a long while there was no answer and then it seemed as if the Dark Lord had finally given up and started to ignore Harry. Harry sighed. There really seemed no way to fix this… unless. Harry had to play the Dark Lord's games with him. He had to show Voldemort that he really was the only one that could keep the Dark Lord happy. The Golden Boy of Gryffindor didn't need the Dark Lord's permission to become a Death Eater. Harry didn't necessarily need to become a Death Eater, just a high ranking individual out in society again. He needed Draco. Harry did have enough social standing on his own but he didn't have the contacts that the Death Eater did and Harry knew that Draco wanted to see his Lord happy.

Harry tucked himself into his bed in the pretty dusty room. At least his bed was as wonderful as ever, even if it was missing a certain red eyed magic wielder. He glanced over at the diary that was lying on the nightstand and saw new words scrawling themselves out, but Harry was too tired to answer.

_How many times must I tell you, the world will end with that ridiculous Gryffindor side of yours. You must resist. Do not attempt to see me again._

Harry smiled in his sleep. The Dark Lord didn't hate Harry as much as he claimed. Harry just needed to walk the long road towards Voldemort's trust again. Lord Voldemort never forgives and he never forgets. Harry didn't have never in his vocabulary.

Well there you have it. If you have opinions about Harry possibly becoming a death eater, write to me. I'm curious. I have a vague outline for this story so I kinda know where I want this to go. I'm just not sure how I'll get there. Next chapter will have the decision.

I just wanted to respond to a review from Lady Aqualyne. Well of course Voldemort's a selfish bastard (pardon my language). He's **Voldemort** who grew up with no semblance of love and has survived without it until Harry, and with the fact that he is just naturally arrogant and selfish doesn't help much in his love life. I think I'm making him this way because in my mind Voldemort only put one person before himself and that was Harry, who hurt him, so I don't imagine that Voldemort even wants to dwell on the matter let alone delve into what if's that don't include self pity for himself. I loved your review Thanks!

If you have any questions comments or just plain statements of love, email or review

Thanks for reading!


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